Explore 33 quotes from Seinfeld

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"The Ex-Girlfriend." Seinfeld, written by Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld and Larry Charles, directed by Tom Cherones, season 2, episode 1, Shapiro/West Productions and Castle Rock Entertainment, 1991.

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Food and sex. Those are my two passions.

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"The Blood." Seinfeld, written by Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld and Dan O'Keefe, directed by Andy Ackerman, season 9, episode 4, Shapiro/West Productions and Castle Rock Entertainment, 1997.

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When you look annoyed all the time, people think that you're busy.

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"The Hot Tub." Seinfeld, written by Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld and Gregg Kavet, directed by Andy Ackerman, season 7, episode 5, Shapiro/West Productions and Castle Rock Entertainment, 1995.

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I’m much more comfortable criticizing people behind their backs.

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"The Engagement." Seinfeld, written by Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld and Alec Berg, directed by Andy Ackerman, season 7, episode 1, Shapiro/West Productions and Castle Rock Entertainment, 1995.

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This woman hates me so much, I'm starting to like her.

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"The Masseuse." Seinfeld, written by Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld and Peter Mehlman, directed by Tom Cherones, season 5, episode 9, Shapiro/West Productions and Castle Rock Entertainment, 1993.

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You know the message you're sending out to the world with these sweatpants? You're telling the world, "I give up. I can't compete in normal society. I'm miserable, so I might as well be comfortable."

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"The Pilot." Seinfeld, written by Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld and Peter Mehlman, directed by Tom Cherones, season 4, episode 23, Shapiro/West Productions and Castle Rock Entertainment, 1993.

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Elaine, breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can’t do it in one push. You gotta rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over.

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"The Voice." Seinfeld, written by Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld and Alec Berg, directed by Andy Ackerman, season 9, episode 2, Shapiro/West Productions and Castle Rock Entertainment, 1997.

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It’s the best part. It’s crunchy, it’s explosive, it’s where the muffin breaks free of the pan and sort of does its own thing. I’ll tell you. That’s a million-dollar idea right there. Just sell the tops.

Elaine Benes

On muffin tops.

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"The Muffin Tops." Seinfeld, written by Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld and Spike Feresten, directed by Andy Ackerman, season 8, episode 21, Shapiro/West Productions and Castle Rock Entertainment, 1997.

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I can’t be with someone like me. I hate myself! If anything, I need to get the exact opposite of me. It’s too much. It’s too much Kramer, I can’t take it. I can’t take it.

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"The Invitations." Seinfeld, written by Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld and Alec Berg, directed by Andy Ackerman, season 7, episode 22, Shapiro/West Productions and Castle Rock Entertainment, 1996.

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Look, I got a few good years left. If I want a Chip Ahoy, I’m having it.

Morty Seinfeld

There are no other quotes by this person in the Bon Mots database.

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"The Cadillac." Seinfeld, written by Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld and Alec Berg, directed by Andy Ackerman, season 7, episode 14, Shapiro/West Productions and Castle Rock Entertainment, 1996.

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At the Festivus dinner, you gather your family around and you tell them all the ways they have disappointed you over the past year.

Frank Costanza

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"The Strike." Seinfeld, written by Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld and Dan O'Keefe, directed by Andy Ackerman, season 9, episode 10, Shapiro/West Productions and Castle Rock Entertainment, 1997.

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It's ironic... That we've come all this way, we made all this progress, but you know, we lost the little things, the niceties.

Elaine Benes

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"The Subway." Seinfeld, written by Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld and Larry Charles, directed by Tom Cherones, season 3, episode 13, Shapiro/West Productions and Castle Rock Entertainment, 1992.

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What could possess anyone to throw a party? I mean, to have a bunch of strangers treat your house like a hotel room.