Jerry Seinfeld

Explore 14 quotes by Jerry Seinfeld

Sort

He’s nice, bit of a close talker.

Jerry Seinfeld

Seinfeld

Watch Season 5 of Seinfeld at Amazon Watch Season 5 of Seinfeld at Amazon

More information about this quote

Topic

Speaker

Actor

Source

Medium

Genre

Language

Time

Authentication Score 3

More information on Authentication Score coming soon.

Citation

"The Raincoats." Seinfeld, written by Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld and Tom Gammill, directed by Tom Cherones, season 5, episode 18, Shapiro/West Productions and Castle Rock Entertainment, 1994.

Citation text copied to clipboard.

If every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right.

Jerry Seinfeld

Seinfeld

Watch Season 5 of Seinfeld at Amazon Watch Season 5 of Seinfeld at Amazon

More information about this quote

Topic

Speaker

Actor

Source

Medium

Genre

Language

Time

Authentication Score 3

More information on Authentication Score coming soon.

Citation

"The Opposite." Seinfeld, written by Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld and Andy Cowan, directed by Tom Cherones, season 5, episode 22, Shapiro/West Productions and Castle Rock Entertainment, 1994.

Citation text copied to clipboard.

You can't believe this woman. She's one of these low-talkers. You can't hear a word she's saying! You're always going "excuse me?", "what was that?"

Jerry Seinfeld

Seinfeld

Watch Season 5 of Seinfeld at Amazon Watch Season 5 of Seinfeld at Amazon

More information about this quote

Topic

Speaker

Actor

Source

Medium

Genre

Language

Time

Authentication Score 3

More information on Authentication Score coming soon.

Citation

"The Puffy Shirt." Seinfeld, written by Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld, directed by Tom Cherones, season 5, episode 2, Shapiro/West Productions and Castle Rock Entertainment, 1993.

Citation text copied to clipboard.

We're not gay! Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Jerry Seinfeld

Seinfeld

Watch Season 4 of Seinfeld at Amazon Watch Season 4 of Seinfeld at Amazon

More information about this quote

Topic

Speaker

Source

Medium

Genre

Statement Type

Language

Time

Authentication Score 1

More information on Authentication Score coming soon.

Citation

"The Outing." Seinfeld, directed by Tom Cherones, written by Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld and Larry Charles, season 4, episode 17, Shapiro/West Productions and Castle Rock Entertainment, 1993.

Citation text copied to clipboard.

You’re a nice guy, but I actually only have three friends. I really can't handle any more.

Jerry Seinfeld

Seinfeld

Watch Season 7 of Seinfeld at Amazon Watch Season 7 of Seinfeld at Amazon

More information about this quote

Topic

Speaker

Actor

Source

Medium

Genre

Language

Time

Authentication Score 3

More information on Authentication Score coming soon.

Citation

"The Pool Guy." Seinfeld, written by Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld and David Mandel, directed by Andy Ackerman, season 7, episode 8, Shapiro/West Productions and Castle Rock Entertainment, 1995.

Citation text copied to clipboard.

Why do I always have the feeling that everybody’s doing something better than me on Saturday afternoons?

Jerry Seinfeld

Seinfeld

Watch Season 3 of Seinfeld at Amazon Watch Season 3 of Seinfeld at Amazon

More information about this quote

Topic

Speaker

Actor

Source

Medium

Genre

Language

Time

Authentication Score 3

More information on Authentication Score coming soon.

Citation

"The Parking Garage." Seinfeld, written by Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld, directed by Tom Cherones, season 3, episode 6, Shapiro/West Productions and Castle Rock Entertainment, 1991.

Citation text copied to clipboard.

Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don’t stare at it. It’s too risky. Ya get a sense of it and then you look away.

Jerry Seinfeld

Seinfeld

Watch Season 4 of Seinfeld at Amazon Watch Season 4 of Seinfeld at Amazon

More information about this quote

Topic

Speaker

Actor

Source

Medium

Genre

Language

Time

Authentication Score 3

More information on Authentication Score coming soon.

Citation

"The Shoes." Seinfeld, written by Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld and Peter Mehlman, directed by Tom Cherones, season 4, episode 16, Shapiro/West Productions and Castle Rock Entertainment, 1993.

Citation text copied to clipboard.

What is this obsession people have with books? They put them in their houses-like they’re trophies. What do you need it for after you read it?

Jerry Seinfeld

Seinfeld

Watch Season 2 of Seinfeld at Amazon Watch Season 2 of Seinfeld at Amazon

More information about this quote

Topic

Speaker

Actor

Source

Medium

Genre

Language

Time

Authentication Score 3

More information on Authentication Score coming soon.

Citation

"The Ex-Girlfriend." Seinfeld, written by Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld and Larry Charles, directed by Tom Cherones, season 2, episode 1, Shapiro/West Productions and Castle Rock Entertainment, 1991.

Citation text copied to clipboard.

You know the message you're sending out to the world with these sweatpants? You're telling the world, "I give up. I can't compete in normal society. I'm miserable, so I might as well be comfortable."

Seinfeld

Watch Season 5 of Seinfeld at Amazon Watch Season 5 of Seinfeld at Amazon

More information about this quote

Topic

Speaker

Source

Medium

Genre

Language

Time

Authentication Score 3

More information on Authentication Score coming soon.

Citation

"The Pilot." Seinfeld, written by Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld and Peter Mehlman, directed by Tom Cherones, season 4, episode 23, Shapiro/West Productions and Castle Rock Entertainment, 1993.

Citation text copied to clipboard.

Elaine, breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can’t do it in one push. You gotta rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over.

Jerry Seinfeld

Seinfeld

Watch Season 9 of Seinfeld at Amazon Watch Season 9 of Seinfeld at Amazon

More information about this quote

Topic

Speaker

Actor

Source

Medium

Genre

Statement Type

Language

Time

Authentication Score 3

More information on Authentication Score coming soon.

Citation

"The Voice." Seinfeld, written by Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld and Alec Berg, directed by Andy Ackerman, season 9, episode 2, Shapiro/West Productions and Castle Rock Entertainment, 1997.

Citation text copied to clipboard.

I can’t be with someone like me. I hate myself! If anything, I need to get the exact opposite of me. It’s too much. It’s too much Kramer, I can’t take it. I can’t take it.

Jerry Seinfeld

Seinfeld

Watch Season 7 of Seinfeld at Amazon Watch Season 7 of Seinfeld at Amazon

More information about this quote

Topic

Speaker

Actor

Source

Medium

Genre

Language

Time

Authentication Score 3

More information on Authentication Score coming soon.

Citation

"The Invitations." Seinfeld, written by Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld and Alec Berg, directed by Andy Ackerman, season 7, episode 22, Shapiro/West Productions and Castle Rock Entertainment, 1996.

Citation text copied to clipboard.

To me America used to be a place that made steel and cars and had giant department stores. Now basically we produce amateur talent and people that judge amateur talent.

Jerry Seinfeld

More information about this quote

Topic

Speaker

Source

Language

Time

Authentication Score 3

More information on Authentication Score coming soon.

Citation

Seinfeld, Jerry. "Howard Stern - The Last Days of Howard Stern." Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee, directed by Jerry Seinfeld, season 3, episode 7, Sony Pictures Television, Netflix, 6 Feb. 2014.

Citation text copied to clipboard.

What could possess anyone to throw a party? I mean, to have a bunch of strangers treat your house like a hotel room.

Jerry Seinfeld

Seinfeld

Watch Season 3 of Seinfeld at Amazon Watch Season 3 of Seinfeld at Amazon

More information about this quote

Topic

Speaker

Actor

Source

Medium

Genre

Language

Time

Authentication Score 3

More information on Authentication Score coming soon.

Citation

"The Stranded." Seinfeld, written by Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld and Matt Goldman, directed by Tom Cherones, season 3, episode 10, Shapiro/West Productions and Castle Rock Entertainment, 1991.

Citation text copied to clipboard.

You know how old people drive? They drive slow, they sit low. That is their motto. The state flag of Florida should be just a steering wheel with a hat and two knuckles on it.