Comedy

Explore 373 quotes from the following genre: Comedy

I can actually hear you getting fatter.

Tommy Boy

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Topic

Gaining weight

Speaker

Richard

Actor

David Spade

Source

Tommy Boy

Medium

Film

Genre

Comedy (film) Comedy

Statement Type

Insult

Language

English

Time

1995 1990s 20th century

Authentication Score 3

Citation

Tommy Boy. Directed by Peter Segal, Paramount Pictures, 1995.

Look, it doesn’t take a genius to know that any organization thrives when it has two leaders. Go ahead, name a country that doesn’t have two presidents; a boat that sets sail without two captains. Where would Catholicism be without the popes?

Oscar Martinez

The Office

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Topic

Leadership Management Organizational culture

Speaker

Oscar Martinez

Actor

Oscar Nuñez

Source

The Office

Medium

TV program

Genre

Comedy (TV) Comedy

Statement Type

Sarcasm

Language

English

Time

2009 2000s 21st century

Authentication Score 3

Citation

"The Promotion." The Office, written by Greg Daniels and Jennifer Celotta and Ricky Gervais, directed by Jennifer Celotta, season 6, episode 3, Deedle-Dee Productions and Reveille Productions, 2009.

Tuesday has no feel. Monday has a feel, Friday has a feel, Sunday has a feel.

Newman

Seinfeld

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Topic

Days of the week

Speaker

Newman

Actor

Wayne Knight

Source

Seinfeld

Medium

TV program

Genre

Sitcom Comedy (TV) Comedy

Language

English

Time

1993 1990s 20th century

Authentication Score 3

Citation

"The Sniffing Accountant." Seinfeld, written by Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld, directed by Tom Cherones, season 5, episode 4, Shapiro/West Productions and Castle Rock Entertainment, 1993.

You know, it's very strange. I have been in the revenge business so long, now that it’s over, I don’t know what to do with the rest of my life.

Iñigo Montoya

The Princess Bride

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Topic

Revenge

Speaker

Iñigo Montoya

Actor

Mandy Patinkin

Source

The Princess Bride

Medium

Film

Genre

Comedy (film) Fantasy (film) Comedy Fantasy

Language

English

Time

1987 1980s 20th century

Authentication Score 3

Citation

The Princess Bride. Directed by Rob Reiner, Act III Communications/Buttercup Films/The Princess Bride Ltd., 1987.

What the American public doesn't know is what makes them the American public, alight?

Tommy Boy

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Topic

Americans The masses

Speaker

Zalinsky

Actor

Dan Aykroyd

Source

Tommy Boy

Medium

Film

Genre

Comedy (film) Comedy

Language

English

Time

1995 1990s 20th century

Authentication Score 3

Citation

Tommy Boy. Directed by Peter Segal, Paramount Pictures, 1995.

Tale-bearers are as bad as the tale-makers.

Richard Brinsley Sheridan

The School for Scandal

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Topic

Gossip

Speaker

Mrs. Candour

Author

Richard Brinsley Sheridan

Source

The School for Scandal

Medium

Play

Genre

Comedy (play) Comedy of manners Comedy

Language

English

Time

1777 1770s 18th century

Authentication Score 3

Original Citation

Sheridan, Richard Brinsley. The School for Scandal. Performed by John Palmer, Frances Abington, William 'Gentleman' Smith, and Jane Pope. 1777, Drury Lane Theatre, London, England, UK, act 1, sc. 1.

Current Citation

Sheridan, Richard Brinsley. The School for Scandal. Dover Publications, 1991, act 1, sc. 1.

People forget the brain is the biggest erogenous zone.

The Big Lebowski

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Topic

Turn-ons

Speaker

Jackie Treehorn

Actor

Ben Gazzara

Source

The Big Lebowski

Medium

Film

Genre

Crime comedy (film) Comedy (film) Crime comedy Comedy

Language

English

Time

1998 1990s 20th century

Authentication Score 3

Citation

The Big Lebowski. Directed by Joel Coen and Ethan Coen, Working Title Films, 1998.

I'm sorry that people are so jealous of me. But I can't help it that I'm popular.

Mean Girls

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Topic

Haters gonna hate Popularity High school

Speaker

Gretchen Wieners

Actor

Lacey Chabert

Source

Mean Girls

Medium

Film

Genre

Comedy (film) Teen (film) Comedy Teen

Language

English

Time

2004 2000s 21st century

Authentication Score 3

Citation

Mean Girls. Directed by Mark Waters, Broadway Video, 2004.

I'm gonna give you to the count of 10, to get your ugly, yella, no-good keister off my property, before I pump your guts full of lead! 1...2...10!

Home Alone

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Topic

Castle doctrine Property rights

Speaker

Johnny

Actor

Ralph Foody

Source

Home Alone

Medium

Film

Genre

Christmas (film) Comedy (film) Christmas Comedy

Statement Type

Threat

Language

English

Time

1990 1990s 20th century

Authentication Score 3

Citation

Home Alone. Directed by Chris Columbus, Hughes Entertainment , 1990.

Jane, since I've met you, I've noticed things that I never knew were there before...birds singing, dew glistening on a newly formed leaf, stoplights.

Lt. Frank Drebin

Naked Gun

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Topic

Infatuation Being in love

Speaker

Lt. Frank Drebin

Actor

Leslie Nielsen

Source

Naked Gun

Medium

Film

Genre

Crime comedy (film) Comedy (film) Crime comedy Comedy

Language

English

Time

1988 1980s 20th century

Authentication Score 3

Citation

Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad. Directed by David Zucker, Paramount Pictures, 1988.

Have...a good...time...all the time. That's my philosophy, Marty.

This is Spinal Tap

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Topic

Having fun

Speaker

Viv Savage

Actor

David Kaff

Source

This is Spinal Tap

Medium

Film

Genre

Mockumentary Comedy (film) Comedy

Statement Type

Advice

Language

English

Time

1984 1980s 20th century

Authentication Score 3

Citation

This is Spinal Tap. Directed by Rob Reiner, Spinal Tap Prod., 1984.

Shut up, I'm having a rhetorical conversation.

The Producers

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Topic

Shutting up

Speaker

Max Bialystock

Actor

Zero Mostel

Source

The Producers

Medium

Film

Genre

Black comedy (film) Comedy (film) Black comedy Comedy

Language

English

Time

1967 1960s 20th century

Authentication Score 3

Citation

The Producers. Directed by Mel Brooks, Crossbow Productions, AVCO Embassy Pictures, 1967.

I see you're drinking one percent. Is that cause you think you're fat? Cause you're not. You could be drinking whole if you wanted to.

Napoleon Dynamite

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Topic

Milk

Speaker

Napoleon Dynamite

Actor

Jon Heder

Source

Napoleon Dynamite

Medium

Film

Genre

Comedy (film) Comedy

Statement Type

Compliment

Language

English

Time

2004 2000s 21st century

Authentication Score 3

Citation

Napoleon Dynamite. Directed by Jared Hess, Fox Searchlight Pictures/Paramount Pictures/MTV Films, 2004.

Love...is not a big enough word. It's not a big enough word for how I feel about my wife.

Planes, Trains and Automobiles

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Topic

Marriage Relationships Love

Speaker

Del Griffith

Actor

John Candy

Source

Planes, Trains and Automobiles

Medium

Film

Genre

Road movie Comedy (film) Comedy

Language

English

Time

1987 1980s 20th century

Authentication Score 3

Citation

Planes, Trains and Automobiles. Directed by John Hughes, Hughes Entertainment, 1987.

Has the whole world gone crazy? Am I the only one around here who gives a shit about the rules? Mark it zero!

The Big Lebowski

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Topic

Rules Rule of law

Speaker

Walter Sobchak

Actor

John Goodman

Source

The Big Lebowski

Medium

Film

Genre

Crime comedy (film) Comedy (film) Crime comedy Comedy

Language

English

Time

1998 1990s 20th century

Authentication Score 3

Citation

The Big Lebowski. Directed by Joel Coen and Ethan Coen, Working Title Films, 1998.

We're all gonna have so much fucking fun we're gonna need plastic surgery to remove our goddamn smiles!

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

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Topic

Having fun Smiling

Speaker

Clark Griswold

Actor

Chevy Chase

Source

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

Medium

Film

Genre

Christmas (film) Comedy (film) Christmas Comedy

Language

English

Time

1989 1980s 20th century

Authentication Score 3

Citation

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. Directed by Jeremiah S. Chechik, Hughes Entertainment, 1989.

Will you still love me when I'm in my carbohydrate, sequined-jumpsuit, young-girls-in-white-cotton-panties, waking-up-in-a-pool-of-your-own-vomit, bloated-purple-dead-on-a-toilet phase?

Wayne Campbell

Wayne's World

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Topic

Love

Speaker

Wayne Campbell

Actor

Mike Myers

Source

Wayne's World

Medium

Film

Genre

Comedy (film) Comedy

Language

English

Time

1992 1990s 20th century

Authentication Score 3

Citation

Wayne's World. Directed by Penelope Spheeris, Paramount Pictures, 1992.

I wasn't like every other kid, you know, who dreams about being an astronaut, I was always more interested in what bark was made out of on a tree. Richard Gere's a real hero of mine. Sting. Sting would be another person who's a hero. The music he's created over the years, I don't really listen to it, but the fact that he's making it, I respect that. I care desperately about what I do. Do I know what product I'm selling? No. Do I know what I'm doing today? No. But I'm here, and I'm gonna give it my best shot.

Hansel

Zoolander

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Topic

Vocation Modeling Work

Speaker

Hansel

Actor

Owen Wilson

Source

Zoolander

Medium

Film

Genre

Comedy (film) Comedy

Language

English

Time

2001 2000s 21st century

Authentication Score 3

Citation

Zoolander. Directed by Ben Stiller, Village Roadshow Productions/VH1 Films/NPV Entertinment/Red Hour Productions/Scott Rudin Productions, 2001.

Well, what Jesus fails to appreciate is it's the meek who are the problem.

Monty Python's Life of Brian

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Topic

Meekness Beatitudes

Speaker

Reg

Actor

John Cleese

Source

Monty Python's Life of Brian

Medium

Film

Genre

Comedy (film) Comedy

Language

English

Time

1979 1970s 20th century

Authentication Score 1

Citation

Monty Python's Life of Brian. Directed by Terry Jones, Handmade Films/Python (Monty) Pictures, 1979.

That voice, the one that tells you you're worthless and stupid and ugly…it goes away, right?

Bojack Horseman

More information about this quote

Topic

Self-hatred Self-doubt Self-criticism Self-esteem

Speaker

Hollyhock

Actor

Aparna Nancherla

Source

Bojack Horseman

Medium

TV program

Genre

Drama (TV) Comedy (TV) Drama Comedy

Language

English

Time

2017 2010s 21st century

Authentication Score 3

Citation

"Stupid Piece of Sh*t." BoJack Horseman, written by Raphael Bob-Waksberg and Alison Tafel, directed by Anne Walker Farrell, season 4, episode 6, ShadowMachine and Tornante Company, 2017.