Humorist

Explore 120 quotes by Humorists

There is no such thing as "the Queen's English." The property has gone into the hands of a joint stock company and we own the bulk of the shares!

Mark Twain

Following the Equator: A Journey Around the World

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Topic

English language America and the UK

Author

Mark Twain

Source

Following the Equator: A Journey Around the World

Genre

Travel writing

Language

English

Time

1897 1890s 19th century

Authentication Score 2

Original Citation

Twain, Mark. Following the Equator: A Journey Around the World. Hartford: American Publishing Company, 1897, ch. 24.

Current Citation

Twain, Mark. "Following the Equator." Mark Twain: A Tramp Abroad, Following the Equator, Other Travels, edited by Roy Blount Jr. Library of America, 2010, ch. 24.

Appetite comes with eating.

Francois Rabelais

Gargantua and Pantagruel

More information about this quote

Topic

Appetite

Author

Francois Rabelais

Source

Gargantua and Pantagruel

Medium

Novel

Genre

Satire

Statement Type

Paradox

Language

French

Time

1534 1530s 16th century

Authentication Score 2

Original Citation

Rabelais, Francois [Alcofribas Nasier]. La vie très horrifique du grand Gargantua, père de Pantagruel [The Very Horrific Life of Great Gargantua, Father of Pantagruel]. 1534, ch. 5.

Current Citation

Rabelais, Francois. Gargantua & Pantagruel. Dover Publications, 2016, bk. 5.

The more things are forbidden, the more popular they become.

Mark Twain

More information about this quote

Topic

Forbidden fruit Coveting

Author

Mark Twain

Source

Journals of Mark Twain

Medium

Personal journal

Statement Type

Paradox

Language

English

Time

1895 1890s 19th century

Authentication Score 2

Citation

Twain, Mark. Mark Twain's Notebook, edited by Albert Bigelow Paine. The Mark Twain Company, 1932, ch. 23. Originally from Notebook, c. 1895.

We said there warn't no home like a raft, after all. Other places do seem so cramped up and smothery, but a raft don't. You feel mighty free and easy and comfortable on a raft.

Mark Twain

Adventures of Huckleberry Finn

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Topic

Boats

Author

Mark Twain

Source

Adventures of Huckleberry Finn

Medium

Novel

Genre

Children's literature Adventure novel

Language

English

Time

1884 1880s 19th century

Authentication Score 3

Original Citation

Twain, Mark. Adventures of Huckleberry Finn. London: Chatto & Windus, 1884, ch. 18.

Current Citation

Twain, Mark. Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, edited by R. Kent Rasmussen. Penguin Classics, 2014, ch. 18.

One never ceases to make a hero of one's self (in private).

Mark Twain

The Gilded Age: A Tale of Today

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Topic

Delusion Self-aggrandizement Ego

Author

Mark Twain

Source

The Gilded Age: A Tale of Today

Medium

Novel

Language

English

Time

1873 1870s 19th century

Authentication Score 2

Original Citation

Twain, Mark and Charles Dudley Warner. The Gilded Age: A Tale of Today. Hartford: American Publishing Company, 1873, ch. 10.

Current Citation

Twain, Mark and Charles Dudley Warner. "The Gilded Age." Mark Twain: The Gilded Age and Later Novels, edited by Hamlin Hill. Library of America, 2002, ch. 10.

The church is always trying to get other people to reform; it might not be a bad idea to reform itself a little by way of example.

Mark Twain

A Tramp Abroad

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Topic

The Church Hypocrisy and religion Hypocrisy Religion

Author

Mark Twain

Source

A Tramp Abroad

Genre

Travel writing

Language

English

Time

1880 1880s 19th century

Authentication Score 2

Original Citation

Twain, Mark. A Tramp Abroad. Hartford: American Publishing Company, 1880, ch. 36.

Current Citation

Twain, Mark. "A Tramp Abroad." Mark Twain: A Tramp Abroad, Following the Equator, Other Travels, edited by Roy Blount, Jr. Library of America, 2010, ch. 36.

Unexpected money is a delight. The same sum is a bitterness when you expected more.

Mark Twain

More information about this quote

Topic

Windfalls Money Expectations

Author

Mark Twain

Source

Letters of Mark Twain

Medium

Letter

Statement Type

Irony

Language

English

Time

1878 1870s 19th century

Authentication Score 2

Original Citation

Twain, Mark. Letter to Orion Clemens. 23 Mar. 1878.

Current Citation

Twain, Mark. Letter to Orion Clemens, 23 Mar. 1878. Collected Nonfiction of Mark Twain. Vol. 1, Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group, 2016.

The book of nature tells us distinctly that God cares not a rap for us—nor for any living creature.

Mark Twain

More information about this quote

Topic

Divine indifference Problem of evil God and man God

Author

Mark Twain

Source

Journals of Mark Twain

Medium

Personal journal

Language

English

Time

1898 1890s 19th century

Authentication Score 2

Citation

Twain, Mark. Mark Twain's Notebook, edited by Albert Bigelow Paine. The Mark Twain Company, 1932, ch. 31. Originally from Notebook, c. 1898.

What a good thing Adam had—when he said a good thing he knew nobody had said it before.

Mark Twain

More information about this quote

Topic

Originality

Author

Mark Twain

Source

Journals of Mark Twain

Medium

Personal journal

Language

English

Time

1867 1860s 19th century

Authentication Score 3

Citation

Twain, Mark. Mark Twain's Notebook, edited by Albert Bigelow Paine. The Mark Twain Company, 1932, ch. 6. Originally from Notebook, 2 July 1867.

There's a good spot tucked away somewhere in everybody. You'll be a long time finding it, sometimes.

Mark Twain

More information about this quote

Topic

Good qualities Human nature

Author

Mark Twain

Source

Refuge of the Derelicts Fables of Man

Medium

Short story

Language

English

Time

1910 1910s 20th century

Authentication Score 3

Original Citation

Twain, Mark. "Refuge of the Derelicts." Fables of Man. University of California Press, 1972.

Current Citation

Twain, Mark. "Refuge of the Derelicts." The Devil's Race-Track: Mark Twain's "Great Dark" Writings. University of California Press, 2005.

We have not the reverent feeling for the rainbow that a savage has, because we know how it is made. We have lost as much as we gained by prying into that matter.

Mark Twain

A Tramp Abroad

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Topic

Disenchanted world Rainbows Wonder Science Downsides of progress

Author

Mark Twain

Source

A Tramp Abroad

Genre

Travel writing

Language

English

Time

1880 1880s 19th century

Authentication Score 2

Original Citation

Twain, Mark. A Tramp Abroad. Hartford: American Publishing Company, 1880, ch. 43.

Current Citation

Twain, Mark. "A Tramp Abroad." Mark Twain: A Tramp Abroad, Following the Equator, Other Travels, edited by Roy Blount, Jr. Library of America, 2010, ch. 43.

Laws are sand, customs are rock. Laws can be evaded and punishment escaped, but an openly transgressed custom brings sure punishment.

Mark Twain

More information about this quote

Topic

Custom and convention Legal theory Law

Author

Mark Twain

Source

The Gorky Incident

Language

English

Time

1906 1900s 20th century

Authentication Score 3

Original Citation

Twain, Mark. The Gorky Incident. 1906.

Current Citation

Twain, Mark. "The Gorky Incident." Letters from the Earth: Uncensored Writings, edited by Bernard DeVoto. Harper Perennial Modern Classics, 2004.

It is full of interest. It has noble poetry in it; and some clever fables; and some blood-drenched history...and a wealth of obscenity; and upwards of a thousand lies.

Mark Twain

More information about this quote

Topic

The Bible

Author

Mark Twain

Source

Letter III Letters from the Earth

Medium

Letter

Genre

Religious literature

Language

English

Time

1910 1910s 20th century

Authentication Score 3

Original Citation

Twain, Mark. "Letter III." Letters from the Earth. Harper & Row, 1962.

Current Citation

Twain, Mark. Letters from the Earth." Letters from the Earth: Uncensored Writings, edited by Bernard DeVoto. Harper Perennial Modern Classics, 2004, letter 3.

That sign of old age: extolling the past at the expense of the present.

Sydney Smith

More information about this quote

Topic

Kids these days The past Old age

Speaker

Sydney Smith

Genre

Biography

Language

English

Time

1845 1840s 19th century

Authentication Score 3

Citation

Smith, Sydney. Quoted in A Memoir of the Reverend Sydney Smith, by Saba Holland. Vol. 1, London: Longman, Brown, Green, and Longmans, 1855, ch. 11.

Death, the refuge, the solace, the best and kindliest and most prized friend and benefactor of the erring, the forsaken, the old, and weary, and broken of heart, whose burdens be heavy upon them, and who would lie down and be at rest.

Mark Twain

More information about this quote

Topic

Death as a blessing Death

Author

Mark Twain

Source

On Adam (Speech) Speeches of Mark Twain

Medium

Speech

Language

English

Time

1883 1880s 19th century

Authentication Score 3

Original Citation

Twain, Mark. "On Adam." Royal Literary and Scientific Society Dinner. 23 May 1883, Ottawa, Ontario, Canada.

Current Citation

Twain, Mark. "On Adam." Mark Twain Speaking. University of Iowa Press, 2006.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to Somebody Else.

Will Rogers

More information about this quote

Topic

Misfortunes of others

Author

Will Rogers

Language

English

Time

1924 1920s 20th century

Authentication Score 3

Citation

Rogers, Will. "Warning to Jokers: Lay Off the Prince." The Illiterate Digest. Albert & Charles Boni, 1924.

No furniture so charming as books.

Sydney Smith

More information about this quote

Topic

Books

Speaker

Sydney Smith

Language

English

Time

1845 1840s 19th century

Authentication Score 3

Citation

Smith, Sydney. Quoted in A Memoir of the Reverend Sydney Smith, by Saba Holland. Vol. 1, London: Longman, Brown, Green, and Longmans, 1855, ch. 9.

It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them.

P.G. Wodehouse

More information about this quote

Topic

Apologies

Author

P.G. Wodehouse

Source

The Man Upstairs

Medium

Short story

Language

English

Time

1910 1910s 20th century

Authentication Score 3

Citation

Wodehouse, P. G. The Man Upstairs. Methuen & Co., 1914, title story. Originally published in The Strand Magazine/Cosmopolitan, Mar. 1910.

Insanity is hereditary. You can get it from your children.

Sam Levenson

More information about this quote

Topic

Parents and children

Author

Sam Levenson

Statement Type

Joke

Language

English

Time

1961 1960s 20th century

Authentication Score 1

Citation

Levenson, Jam. Quoted in Ada Weekly News. 6 Apr. 1961.

What with excellent browsing and sluicing and cheery conversation and what-not, the afternoon passed quite happily.

P.G. Wodehouse

More information about this quote

Topic

Good conversation Killing time

Author

P.G. Wodehouse

Source

My Man Jeeves

Medium

Short story

Language

English

Time

1916 1910s 20th century

Authentication Score 3

Citation

Wodehouse, P. G. "Jeeves and the Unbidden Guest." Carry On, Jeeves. Herbert Jenkins, 1925. Originally published in Saturday Evening Post, 9 Dec. 1916.