Comedy (film)

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It's disgusting the way they splash this stuff all over the newspapers! What is journalism coming to? You're laying on top of the queen with her legs wrapped around you and they call that news. They can't kick you off the force, Frank! It's just not fair!

Naked Gun

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Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad. Directed by David Zucker, Paramount Pictures, 1988.

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Imagine how many people out there right now are fuckin’ man...just goin’ at it.

Dazed and Confused

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Dazed and Confused. Directed by Richard Linklater, Detour Filmproduction/Alphaville Films, 1993.

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Protecting the safety of the Queen is a task that is gladly accepted by Police Squad. No matter how silly the idea of having a queen might be to us, as Americans, we must be gracious and considerate hosts.

Lt. Frank Drebin

Naked Gun

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Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad. Directed by David Zucker, Paramount Pictures, 1988.

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You wanna hurt me? Go right ahead if it makes you feel any better. I'm an easy target. Yeah, you're right. I talk too much. I also listen too much. I could be a cold-hearted cynic like you, but I don't like to hurt people's feelings. Well, you think what you want about me. I'm not changing. I like me. My wife likes me. My customers like me. 'Cause I'm the real article. What you see is what you get.

Planes, Trains and Automobiles

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Planes, Trains and Automobiles. Directed by John Hughes, Hughes Entertainment, 1987.

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Oh yeah. Lotta pressure. You gotta rise above it. You gotta harness in the good energy, block out the bad. Harness. Energy. Block. Bad. Feel the flow Happy. Feel it. It's circular. It's like a carousel. You pay the quarter, you get on the horse, it goes up and down, and around. It's circular. Circle, with the music, the flow. All good things.

Happy Gilmore

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Happy Gilmore. Directed by Dennis Dugan, Brillstein-Grey Entertainment/Robert Simonds Productions, 1996.

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No, not again. I...why does it say paper jam when there is no paper jam? I swear to God, one of these days, I just kick this piece of shit out the window!

Office Space

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Office Space. Directed by Mike Judge, Judgemental Films, 1999.

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It was all over—I was dead. What would it be? The guillotine? Hanging? The chair? The rack? The Chinese water torture? Mmph. Mere child's play compared to what surely awaited me.

Ralphie Parker

A Christmas Story

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A Christmas Story. Directed by Bob Clark, Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, 1983.

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I was hopping along, minding my own business, all of a sudden, up he comes, cures me! One minute I’m a leper with a trade, next minute my livelihood’s gone. Not so much as a by-your-leave! “You’re cured, mate.” Bloody do-gooder.

Monty Python's Life of Brian

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Monty Python's Life of Brian. Directed by Terry Jones, Handmade Films/Python (Monty) Pictures, 1979.

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No, I like baseball. I just never understood how you guys can spend so much time discussing it. I mean, I've been to games, but I don't memorize who played third base for Pittsburgh in 1960.

City Slickers

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City Slickers. Directed by Ron Underwood, Castle Rock Entertainment/Face Productions/Nelson Entertainment, 1991.

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Now, I had heard that word at least ten times a day from my old man. My father worked in profanity the way other artists might work in oils or clay. It was his true medium; a master.

Ralphie Parker

A Christmas Story

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A Christmas Story. Directed by Bob Clark, Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, 1983.

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We find it’s always better to fire people on a Friday. Studies have statistically shown that there’s less chance of an incident if you do it at the end of the week.

Office Space

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Office Space. Directed by Mike Judge, Judgemental Films, 1999.

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Three thousand years of beautiful tradition, from Moses to Sandy Koufax, you're goddamn right I'm living in the fucking past!

The Big Lebowski

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The Big Lebowski. Directed by Joel Coen and Ethan Coen, Working Title Films, 1998.

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