Bring the Pain

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Prenuptial agreement. Everybody needs a prenup! People think you gotta be rich to get a prenup, oh no! You got 20 million, your wife want 10, big deal, you ain't starvin'. But if you make 30 thousand, and your wife want 15, you might have to kill her!

Chris Rock

Bring the Pain

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Rock, Chris. Chris Rock: Bring the Pain. HBO, 1 June 1996.

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Women always ready to settle down. Shit, a woman goes on four good dates, she's like "Why are we bullshittin'? What are you waiting for?" Men—never ready to settle down. Men don't settle down. We surrender.

Chris Rock

Bring the Pain

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Rock, Chris. Chris Rock: Bring the Pain. HBO, 1 June 1996.

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Drug dealers don't sell drugs. Drugs sell themselves. It's crack. It's not an encyclopedia. It's not a fuckin' vacuum cleaner. You don't really gotta try to sell crack, ok? I never heard a crack dealer goin' "Man, how'm I gonna get rid of all this crack?!"

Chris Rock

Bring the Pain

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Rock, Chris. Chris Rock: Bring the Pain. HBO, 1 June 1996.

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You know what's wild? Martin Luther King stood for nonviolence. Now what's Martin Luther King? A street. And I don't give a fuck where you at in America—if you on Martin Luther King Boulevard, there's some violence goin' down!

Chris Rock

Bring the Pain

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You could get rid of all the crack, all the herb, all the blow, you know what would happen? People would just think of new ways of getting high. That's right, guys would go in their basement and become scientists, like "Yo check this out, check this out. You know, if you get a baby's bottle, right, fill it up with a little gasoline and a dead lima bean and suck it, you'll be fucked up!"

Chris Rock

Bring the Pain

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Long as you live you ain't never gonna see no black vice president. Not while the president's white. They tell you to never say never? I'm saying never. You know why? Cause some black guy would just kill the president, that's why! Shit, I'd do it!

Chris Rock

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As long as you live you ain't never gonna see no black vice president. Not while the president's white! Oh no, you will never see. Do you know what they say, “never say never”? I'm saying never! Never see no black vice president. Not while there’s a white president, and you know why? ‘Cause some black guy would just kill the president, that’s why! Shit, I’d do it!

Chris Rock

Bring the Pain

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Rock, Chris. Chris Rock: Bring the Pain. HBO, 1 June 1996.

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We got so much food in America we allergic to food. Allergic to food! Hungry people ain't allergic to shit! You think anybody in Rwanda's got a fuckin' lactose intolerance?