Explore 29 quotes by Chris Rock

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Rock, Chris. Chris Rock: Bring the Pain. HBO, 1 June 1996.

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Relationships: easy to get into, hard to maintain. Why are they so hard to maintain? Cause it’s hard to keep up the lie. 'Cause you can't get nobody being you. You got to lie to get somebody. You can't get nobody lookin' like you look, actin' like you act, soundin' like you sound. That's right, when you meet somebody for the first time, you're not meeting them. You're meeting their representative!

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Rock, Chris. Bigger & Blacker. HBO, 10 July 1999.

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What the fuck do women want? I know what you want: everything.

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Rock, Chris. Bigger & Blacker. HBO, 10 July 1999.

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There ain't a white man in this room that would change places with me. None of ya! None of ya would change places with me...and I'm rich! That's how good it is to be white.

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Rock, Chris. Bigger & Blacker. HBO, 10 July 1999.

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You could be the baddest mama on earth. I don’t give a fuck how good you are. Ain't nothing you can say more powerful than, "I’m gonna tell your daddy."

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Rock, Chris. Bigger & Blacker. HBO, 10 July 1999.

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I am scared of young white boys. If you white and under 21 I am running for the hills.

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Rock, Chris. Bigger & Blacker. HBO, 10 July 1999.

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You know what’s fucked up about taxes? You don’t even pay taxes. They take tax. You get your check, money gone. That ain’t a payment, that’s a jack.

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Rock, Chris. Bigger & Blacker. HBO, 10 July 1999.

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A man gonna be a man. A man is basically as faithful as his options. That’s how faithful a man is, no more, no less.

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Rock, Chris. Bigger & Blacker. HBO, 10 July 1999.

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Women always ready to settle down. Shit, a woman goes on four good dates, she's like "Why are we bullshittin'? What are you waiting for?" Men—never ready to settle down. Men don't settle down. We surrender.

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Rock, Chris. Chris Rock: Bring the Pain. HBO, 1 June 1996.

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We got some platonic friends. I got some, but they're all by accident. Every platonic friend I got is some woman I was tryin' to fuck, I made a wrong turn somewhere, and ended up in the friend zone.

Chris Rock: Bring the Pain

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Rock, Chris. Chris Rock: Bring the Pain. HBO, 1 June 1996.

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Drug dealers don't sell drugs. Drugs sell themselves. It's crack. It's not an encyclopedia. It's not a fuckin' vacuum cleaner. You don't really gotta try to sell crack, ok? I never heard a crack dealer goin' "Man, how'm I gonna get rid of all this crack?!"

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Rock, Chris. Chris Rock: Bring the Pain. HBO, 1 June 1996.

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A bunch of girls like: "You don’t need no man to help you raise no child. You don't need no man." Shut the fuck up with the bullshit. Yeah, you could do it without a man but that don’t mean it’s to be done. Shit, you could drive a car with your feet if you want to. That don’t make it a good fuckin' idea.

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Rock, Chris. Bigger & Blacker. HBO, 10 July 1999.

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Everybody talking 'bout gun control, gotta get rid of the guns. Fuck that, I like guns. You got a gun, you don’t have to work out.

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Rock, Chris. Bigger & Blacker. HBO, 10 July 1999.

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You know what's wild? Martin Luther King stood for nonviolence. Now what's Martin Luther King? A street. And I don't give a fuck where you at in America—if you on Martin Luther King Boulevard, there's some violence goin' down!

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Rock, Chris. Chris Rock: Bring the Pain. HBO, 1 June 1996.

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You could get rid of all the crack, all the herb, all the blow, you know what would happen? People would just think of new ways of getting high. That's right, guys would go in their basement and become scientists, like "Yo check this out, check this out. You know, if you get a baby's bottle, right, fill it up with a little gasoline and a dead lima bean and suck it, you'll be fucked up!"

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Rock, Chris. Chris Rock: Bring the Pain. HBO, 1 June 1996.

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They don't grade fathers but if your daughter's a stripper, you fucked up!

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Rock, Chris. Chris Rock: Never Scared. HBO, 17 Apr. 2004.

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Women need to hear compliments all the time. Women need food, water, and compliments. That’s right, that's right, and an occasional pair of shoes.

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Rock, Chris. Bigger & Blacker. HBO, 10 July 1999.

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You know what men want? Food, sex, silence. That’s it. That's it. Food, sex, silence. "Feed me, fuck me, shut the fuck up."

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Rock, Chris. Bigger & Blacker. HBO, 10 July 1999.

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Whatever your pleasure, I can facilitate. You need weed, you need meth—hey, you need Prozac, I'm your man. I know how you white boys always deal with that depression. I mean me personally, I don't understand what you white boys are all depressed about. Hey, you're white! Smile!

The Longest Yard

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The Longest Yard. Directed by Peter Segal, Paramount Pictures/Columbia Pictures/MTV Films/Happy Madison Productions/Callahan Filmworks, 2005.

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Long as you live you ain't never gonna see no black vice president. Not while the president's white. They tell you to never say never? I'm saying never. You know why? Cause some black guy would just kill the president, that's why! Shit, I'd do it!