Connecting with others

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The heart of another is a dark forest, always, no matter how close it has been to one’s own.

Willa Cather

The Professor's House

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Cather, Willa. The Professor's House. Alfred A. Knopf, 1925, bk. 1, ch. 8.

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Once the realization is accepted that even between the closest human beings infinite distances continue to exist, a wonderful living side by side can grow up, if they succeed in loving the distance between them which makes it possible for each to see the other whole against the sky.

Rainer Maria Rilke

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Rilke, Rainer Maria. Letter to Emanuel von Bodman. 17 Aug. 1901.

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Rilke, Rainer Maria. Letters of Rainer Maria Rilke, 1892-1910, translated by Jane B. Greene and M. D. Herter Norton. W. W. Norton & Company, 1969.

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The bonds between ourselves and another person exist only in our minds. Memory as it grows fainter loosens them, and notwithstanding the illusion by which we want to be duped and which, out of love, friendship, politeness, deference, duty, we dupe other people, we exist alone. Man is the creature who cannot escape from himself, who knows other people only in himself, and when he asserts the contrary, he is lying.

Marcel Proust

In Search of Lost Time

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Proust, Marcel. Albertine disparue [Albertine Gone]. Paris: Gallimard, 1927.

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Proust, Marcel. The Fugitive, edited and translated by Peter Collier. Penguin Classics, 2021.

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Human contact seemed to her so frail a thing that the hope that two people might want each other in the same way, at the same time and with the possibility of doing something about it, seemed infinitely remote.

Margaret Drabble

The Waterfall

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Drabble, Margaret. The Waterfall. Weidenfeld & Nicolson, 1969.

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The real community of man, in the midst of all the self-contradictory simulacra of community, is the community of those who seek the truth, of the potential knowers... Of all men to the extent they desire to know. But in fact, this includes only a few, the true friends, as Plato was to Aristotle at the very moment they were disagreeing about the nature of the good... They were absolutely one soul as they looked at the problem. This, according to Plato, is the only real friendship, the only real common good. It is here that the contact people so desperately seek is to be found.

Allan Bloom

The Closing of the American Mind

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Bloom, Allan. The Closing of the American Mind: How Higher Education Has Failed Democracy and Impoverished the Souls of Today's Students. Simon & Schuster, 1987, conclusion.

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Oh, the comfort-the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person-having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away.

Dinah Craik

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Craik, Dinah Mulock. A Life for a Life. B. Tauchnitz, 1859, ch. 16.

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With thee conversing I forget all time.

John Milton

Paradise Lost

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Original Citation

Milton, John. Paradise Lost. London: Samuel Simmons, 1667, bk. 4, I. 639.

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"Paradise Lost." John Milton: Major Works, edited by Stephen Orgel and Jonathan Goldberg. Oxford University Press, 2008, bk. 4, I. 639.

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Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.

Emily Brontë

Wuthering Heights

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Brontë, Emily, [published as Ellis Bell]. Wuthering Heights. Vol. 1, London: Thomas Cautley Newby, 1847, ch. 9.

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Bronte, Emily. Wuthering Heights, edited by Alexandra Lewis. W. W. Norton & Company, 2019, ch. 9.

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It is not time or opportunity that is to determine intimacy; it is disposition alone. Seven years would be insufficient to make some people acquainted with each other, and seven days are more than enough for others.

Jane Austen

Sense and Sensibility

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Austen, Jane, [published anonymously]. Sense and Sensibility. Vol. 1, London: Thomas Egerton, 1811, ch. 12.

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Austen, Jane. Sense and Sensibility. Penguin Classics, 2003, ch. 12.

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And I look at you, and I...I'm home.

Finding Nemo

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Finding Nemo. Directed by Andrew Stanton, Pixar Animation Studios/ Walt Disney Pictures, 2003.

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If you think about it, your favorite memories, the most important moments in your life, were you alone?... Life's better with company.

Up in the Air

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Up in the Air. Directed by Jason Reitman, DreamWorks Pictures/The Montecito Picture Company/Cold Spring Pictures/Rickshaw Productions/Right of Way Films, 2009.

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And in that moment, I swear we were infinite.

Stephen Chbosky

The Perks of Being a Wallflower

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Chbosky, Stephen. The Perks of Being a Wallflower. Pocket Books, 1999.

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Another’s soul is a dark forest.

Ivan Turgenev

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Original Citation

Turgenev, Ivan. Two Women. 1855, act 1.

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Turgenev, Ivan. A Month in the Country. Oxford University Press, 1991, act 1.

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If I am pressed to say why I loved him, I feel it can only be explained by replying: "Because it was he; because it was me."

Michel de Montaigne

Essays

On his friend Etienne de la Boetie.

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De Montaigne, Michel. "De l'Amitie [Of Friendship]." Essais [Essays]. Paris: Simon Millanges and Jean Richer, 1580.

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De Montaigne, Michel. "On Affectionate Relationships." The Complete Essays, edited and translated by M. A. Screech. Penguin Classics, 1993.

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You know that moment when you look into somebody's eyes and you can feel them staring into your soul and the whole world goes quiet just for a second?

Up in the Air

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Up in the Air. Directed by Jason Reitman, DreamWorks Pictures/The Montecito Picture Company/Cold Spring Pictures/Rickshaw Productions/Right of Way Films, 2009.

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There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved.

George Sand

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Sand, George. Letter to Lina Calamatta. 31 Mar. 1862.

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The only true currency in this bankrupt world is what you share with someone else when you’re uncool.

Almost Famous

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Almost Famous. Directed by Cameron Crowe. Columbia Pictures/ DreamWorks Pictures/Vinyl Films, 2000.

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No matter how honestly you open up to someone, there are still some things you can’t reveal.

Haruki Murakami

Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki and His Years of Pilgrimage

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Murakami, Haruki. 色彩を持たない多崎つくると、彼の巡礼の年 [Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki and His Years of Pilgrimage]. Bungeishunju, 2013.

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I guess when you're young, you just believe there'll be many people with whom you'll connect with. Later in life, you realize it only happens a few times.

Before Sunset

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Before Sunset. Directed by Richard Linklater, Castle Rock Entertainment/ Detour Filmproduction/Columbia Pictures, 2004.

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The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.

Carl Jung

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Jung, Carl. "Problems of Modern Psychology." Modern Man in Search of a Soul, translated by Cary F. Baynes and William Stanley Dell. Kegen Paul, Trenche, Trubner & Co., 1933.

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